Distractions and Sex

www.SouthernPleasureParties.comA few weeks ago the kids and I were at Disney World (yep – again) for Mickey’s Not So Scary Halloween Party. This was my second trip without hubby in the parks with me, and first ever without him at least at the hotel with me (he stayed home this trip). Something that I learned from the first trip was to not let distractions distract me while out and about with my kiddos. Disney can be a very busy place and it would be super easy to get separated and have quite the fright. It always tickles me a bit when I see people so deep into their technology at Disney World they fail to really be in Disney World. I want to shake them a little and say, “Take it all in!”

Why am I writing about this in a post titled, “Distractions and Sex?” I’m getting there. After dropping my kiddos off to school this morning, I was driving to the gas station and heard an interesting story on NPR that I very much related to, and thought immediately that some of you might as well. What caught, and then retained, my attention, was an audio blurb from the interview, “I love reading, and I am someone who can actually become so absorbed in a novel that I really think the house could possibly burn down around me and I wouldn’t notice. And I’m simultaneously someone who loses their keys at least three times a day, and I often can’t remember where in the world I parked my car” (NPR, 2012).

I almost smacked the dashboard and exclaimed, “That’s me!!!” But I didn’t – that would have hurt.

It made me think of women in general today – while not everyone is an avid reader, how many of us are able to focus on one thing – reading, writing, crafting, running, etc. to the exclusion of all other events and activities around us? Yet, when it comes to everyday things, we’re a bit scatter brained. The interview went on to explain a study on how people are distracted and what it does to their brains, distractions included Facebook (social media in general), text messaging, and phone applications. It made me think of how often we are multitasking everyday – from several tabs or windows open in our internet browsers, to texting while watching a movie or show, to listening to an audiobook while driving and maybe doing something else like drinking or eating.

Which made me think of sex. Our brains are so overstimulated and distracted throughout the day, that when we are ready for sex – it can be a real struggle to keep our minds on the here and now of the bedroom (or bathroom, or closet, or where ever you’re being intimate). The big problem with that, is that an orgasm for a woman comes largely from mental (and physical of course) stimulation. If we can’t keep our minds focused on what’s happening to us now and how it’s making us feel, we can often be left unsatisfied. Think back to the last time you had some lovin’ (be it solo or with a partner – either is fine) – how many times did you mind drift to the next thing on your to-do list? As women, to increase the pleasure and frequency of orgasms, we need to focus on the task at hand and exclude all other distractions – turn of all your screens, silence ringers, and make sure you have some time for just you. Now, of course, if you’re on a tight schedule, rub on some Pure Satisfaction and it’ll speed the process right up.
References:

Thompson, H. & Vedantam, S. (2012). A Lively Mind: Your Brain on Jane Austen. Retrieved from http://www.npr.org/blogs/health/2012/10/09/162401053/a-lively-mind-your-brain-on-jane-austen

50 Shades of Grey: Intimacy

In today’s 50 Shades of Grey reading, Grey has left for the evening after giving Anna her first spanking. She is feeling overwhelmed, and during a course of emails communicates her feelings to the ever emotionally elusive Mr. Grey:

Anna: I’m not sure I like you anyways.

Christian: Why don’t you like me?

Anna: Because you never stay with me.

And what does Christian do? Well of course, he drives over to Anna’s apartment, and barges in, inciting Rose’s, er, Kate’s rage and earning a spot on her “shit list”.

What follows is Christian’s attempt to look after Anna, spending the night, and even snuggling her in her sleep.

The reason this scene stood out to me was not the BDSM discussion they had in regards to spanking, although that is a good and healthy discussion for the two of them to have. Rather, it’s Anna’s yearning for intimacy. Throughout the previous chapters, she has stated on more than one occasion, she “wants more” with Christian – as he puts it, “flowers and hearts”. This got me to thinking about the women who attend my parties, comments and stories I hear from them, and how this really does tie into the every woman’s emotional needs.

This is another manner in which men and women, generally speaking, vary. For men, intimacy is achieved prior to sex, which is why foreplay and lovemaking can be effected by events within the previous 24 hours. For some men, this means paying attention to them (i.e. not texting, reading emails, or messing around on Facebook while sitting next to them on the couch), watching a movie with them, or whatever. This is simular to women, however women feel intimacy a little more after sex, than an average man does. Now, don’t write your man off as uncaring or selfish, it’s how they are designed – after an orgasm, men’s bodies litterally begin to shut down, their bodies tell them, “That was great, I need to sleep now”. Women are simiularly effected, however we don’t automatically need sleep afterwards (even though orgasms do help you sleep better! 😉 ).

Women crave intimacy before, during, and especially after sex. Now, just as there is always at least one person at my parties who shouts out, “That’s not me!”, there will surely be a reader, or two or a few that will also shake their heads and say, “Pfftt, I don’t need that”. Well good on you, just remember everyone is different. If we were all the same, we’d all be BDSM subs and doms, or having vanilla sex, right?

So how can we achieve intimacy within sexual relationships? Surprisingly, when you read the book, several methods are demonstrated. A few examples:

– Showering or Bathing Together: The acts of sharing a shower, or a relaxing bath, and washing one another is very intimate, and a powerful method of foreplay. While men are visual, and love to watch their partners in either shower or bath settings, the women feel connected through the process of sharing the bath/shower and washing or being washed. This is an easy method of foreplay that is both intimate, and arousing for both parties. Throw in some of our Bath Salts to add some pheromones to the mix to increase the sexual stimulation.

– Shaving: Later in the book, Christian shaves Anna “down there” (i.e. her bikini area). Of course, this is also a huge trust act, I mean really trusting someone else to shave your naughty bits? Whew! But again, it’s arousing to both parties and very intimate for women. Try our Soft and Silky Duo for the closest and smoothest shave possible, without all the red irritated bumps that typically follow.

– Massage: Massages feel amazing, they relax you, heighten your senses, arouse the massager and the one recieving the massage, and again are intimate acts. Try our Amazing Heart Massager (adds heat like a hot stone massage), Super Deluxe Smitten (for the ultimate relaxation), and any of our toning body butters for a to die for sensual experience.

– Face to face sex: Yep, the missionary position. This is a very intimate position since you are facing one another during the act. If you have trouble with stimulation during this particular position, try our Progressor or Jester vibrating c-ring (makes him vibrate, while also turning him into a human vibrator against your clitouris) and our Love Wedge which will elevate your hips and help him hit that hot G-Spot.

– Pillow Talk: Yep, talking before or after sex can be both arousing and intimate. No clue what to talk about? Pick up any of our Passion Library books such as Ride Him Cowgirl, Tickle His Pickle, or even read the 50 Shades books together in bed. It’ll get him and you turned on, give you both new ideas to try, and be a pleasant bonding experience.

Want more ideas on building intimacy, before, during, or after sex? Make sure to head over to my 50 Shades of Pleasure Facebook page and join the discussion.

50 Shades – The Contract: Anal Play

In today’s reading of 50 Shades of Grey, Anna read the Dom/Sub contract that Christian had asked her to review, they discussed it in further detail, including anal intercourse, fisting, and toys. I have to say that I was so excited to read her reaction! Why? So many 50 fans claim that Anna really is “every woman” and they feel they can really connect with her.

Anna’s initial reaction to all things anal?

Doesn’t float my boat.

This has been a very typical reaction during my parties as well, which is a little disheartening since most women either have not had any anal experiences, they justassumeit’s gross, painful, and overall unpleasant for them,orthey’ve had a bad experience.

Christian then goes onto explain that he will take it slowly and introduce her to things like butt plugs, beads, anchors, and more before moving onto actual anal sex.

All you Master of the Universe/50 Shades readers know that Mr. Grey is all about the research and perhaps those anal scenes really got you a little interested. Then do the research. Pick up our Tickle my Tush book, the definitive book on all things tush related – from massage, to stimulation, to penetration. Dr. Sadie makes a great point, as does Mr. Grey, that this is something you need to prepare for and work up to.

Start small with our plugs for penetration or toys like OMG for stimulation, then move up to anchors or some awesome glass toys like Inked. (Any Clipped Wings and Inked Armor fans out there? 😉 ).

Finally, be safe. Here are a few guidelines, both mentioned in Dr. Sadie’s book, as well as a few steamy scenes from the Shades books.

– Never ever ever go bum to mouth or tush to vagina. If you use it in your backdoor, that’s the only place it should go.

– Use condoms when engaging in anal sex, want more info on why? Message me or leave a comment.

– Always always clean your toys. Pick up some ready to go spray cleaners like Clean and Simple, or a mix it yourself concentrate Toy Cleanser (makes 64 quarts).

– Use lube. Use it for vaginal penetration, feel free to use flavored lube during oral sex, and for sure always use lube for anal sex. Any of our lubes will get the job done, but for super results, check out our Silicone Lube.

Have more questions, want to see the products face to face, or need to go shopping where it’s not all back ordered? Check out my website: www.SouthernPleasureParties.com. And when you book your 50 Shades of Passion party* receive a FREE Christian Grey set.

 

*Specific dates apply, party must qualify for set to be free.

Anna’s Pheromones

Upon Anna’s return from spending the night with Christian Grey, Jose calls to talk about his actions Friday night. After a heated conversation that of course roomie Kate overhears, Anna divulges to Kate that in addition to capturing Christian’s interest, she also has Jose making moves on her. To which her roomie replies:

“Wow Anna! Your pheromones must be working over time!”

What are pheromones? They are natural hormones emitted through sweat glands – such as under your arms, that attract others to you. Southern Pleasure Parties sells these bottled, that mix with your own pheromones. This is one of my best selling products that be used so many different ways. Each of the guests at my parties has an opportunity to rub some Pure Instinct on, and then smell one another to experience how different it is on each person. Pure Instinct is light enough to be mixed with any other perfume, or worn alone for a unique perfume all your own. It can also be used as a painkiller, something I share with each of my customers, especially those into more homeopathic remedies.

Give Pure Instinct a try and take a little piece of 50 Shades of Grey with you wherever you go.

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Grey’s Young Seduction

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Spoiler Alert: If you have not yet reached the first night Anna spends with Grey, you may want to wait on this post.

In 50 Shades of Grey, Christian reveals that how he was introduced to both sex and BDSM – by being seduced by his mom’s best friend at the tender age of 15. Later, while Anna chews this over, she thinks, “Wow that’s young!”

This kind of irked me, not because I agree (or disagree) with the whole cougar thing between him and his mom’s friend or the BDSM involved, but rather Anna’s ignorance regarding sexual interactions. Granted, she does seem pretty ignorant of a lot of sexual activities (but she gets the hang of a blow job on her first try so I’m not totally sold on her ignorance). What irked me is how real this ignorance is in real life and not just fiction.

I get a lot of strange looks when people find out I’ve already had “the talk” with my kids – who are both under the age of 8. The example Grey shares is exactly WHY I have had this talk with them. Did you know the national average age of sexual activity (there is a difference between activity and intercourse) is 9 years old? Being introduced to sex at the age of 15, is not shocking. Consider this a PSA and make sure to talk to your own kids about sex.

In my earlier post, I mentioned how unrealistic it was for anyone to use this as a handbook for sexual activity, it’s great to get new ideas from books, even this one, but not something to learn about sex from. However, if you are not talking with your kids, who are impressionable, THEY MIGHT use this or something like it as a handbook by which to learn.

You might be wondering why I would bother posting something like this? It seems a pretty stable trend that a lot of moms are reading this book, so if you’re one of them, ask yourself – have you started an open and honest dialogue with your kids about sex? If not, maybe it’s time to start.

50 Shades of Grey … Let’s talk about sex

I’m not really sure when the 50 Shades trilogy became so hot, but it seems as if recently, these books’ popularity has exploded! Initially, I was hesitant to spend any time reading these books, not entirely thrilled with the controversy surrounding these books. However, after much encouragement from my customers, I broke down and downloaded these books to my iPhone to listen to throughout my day.

I’m currently a good ways into the first book, “50 Shades of Grey” and here are my thoughts regarding the book, and sex.

– So far, these books are not well written, in fact, you could start a good drinking game, taking shots every time Anna says, “Oh my” or “Holy (insert expletive here)”.

– I do not like Anna so far, she is quite annoying, and it feels as if Ms. James is trying very hard to duplicate the “maturity” Bella Swan seemed to posses, as an “old soul” or middle-aged teenager. In contrast, Anna comes across as a selfish, immature, and angsty person. Now, let’s remember Anna is only supposed to be 21 or early twenties, so we shouldn’t hold her behavior and reactions against her, they are appropriate for her age. There’s nothing wrong with that, but the attempt to make Anna seem older in maturity is disingenuous at best.

– Ms. James did not try very hard to create her own characters. Yes, I understand it was originally Twilight fan fiction, but really, these characters are easily identifiable as Edward and Bella, Alice and Jasper at this stage of the book.

Now that I’ve got my complaints out, let’s look at what I do like. 🙂

While I wish it was a better erotica book that had made the New York Time’s bestseller book, I am satisfied that a book of this nature has at least made the list. Why? This book is inspiring people to talk about sex in a more relaxed, comfortable, and open fashion. I adore seeing so many people discussing their thoughts so openly regarding such a heavily sexual book. It is fantastic that so many women feel inspired regarding their own sexual relationships, and are ready to step outside “vanilla sex”. 😉 (<– Just to be clear – there is nothing wrong with “vanilla sex”, every couple should engage in sexual activities they feel comfortable with, explore new ones together that they are interested in, and should not have to justify their relationship to others outside that relationship.)

With that said, I have read quite a few complaints regarding this book (outside the ones I’ve already mentioned) – most complaints heading towards the “why would you want your husband to be mad at your for getting drunk with your friends”? Or complaints that this book is domestic violence dressed up as an erotica novel. It is important to remember that this story began as a fantasy within the fan fiction realm. Let’s think about this a little bit – every woman has a fantasy, maybe she wants her husband or boyfriend to do a little roleplaying, to use toys with her in the bedroom, tie her up, or even use (mild to hardcore) BDSM accessories with her. Within a consenting relationship, none of this wrong nor should a woman made to feel shame for desiring these things within a consenting relationship.

Now, in regards to the “concerns” that these books encourage poor role models for relationships – if you or anyone you know are turning to an erotica novel to create relationship or sexual expectations, you will be sadly disappointed. That’s why again, it is a fantasy. Do you know why fantasy is important? While men are more visually stimulated – think of lingerie, or a strip tease, etc., women arementally stimulated. Fantasy and real life are very different, and I would hope women readers can tell the difference between real life and fantasy and make sound decisions based upon the differences. Love it or hate it, 50 Shades has changed how women are talking about sex, and that’s a good thing.

Two Years Later ….

It’s my anniversary! My 2 year Passion Parties anniversary! I actually took the picture to the left the very night I hosted my own Passion Party. Wow what changes! Let me take the time to share my own story with you. Two years ago, my husband and I were coming up on our 7 year wedding anniversary and I wanted to do something “different”. I took the old saying, “Seven year itch” and ran with it – hosting a Passion Party with Veronica Garcia. She had three months earlier, come into the bank I was working at and left me this sample of “Nipple Nibblers”. I had never once taken it out of the container, and never looked for her card – until the beginning or mid June. The night of the party came, and I had a blast and really fell in love with all the different products – from mild to the “wild”.

The starter kits – what a new consultant will purchase to become a consultant, were very reasonably priced, and included a lot of products. I decided I would buy the kit – with no intention of ever becoming a consultant. I would be a “kitnapper”. Since Passion Parties is located in Vegas, my kit would arrive the very next business day. My sponsor, the consultant who signed me into Passion Parties – talked me into having a “starter party” or a party that announced I was open for business. So I did. But my husband had a request – could I please not tell anyone that knew us, that he worked with, that I worked with, or that knew of him at church what I was doing? Yes – this included friends and family. I respected his wishes and knew I’d have to start talking to all the people who I didn’t know. Over the next two weeks, I went door to door in 110 degree weather inviting people to my party. Two people came, they bought – but they never booked a party.

Over the next two months, I had to continue meeting people and trying to book a party. It was hard work and it was uncomfortable – I didn’t like talking to complete strangers. In August, I had a party for Betsy – and it launched my business. I was too stubborn to quit. By six months, I had achieved two promotions, within a year I was an Executive Director. I am so grateful to my rough start because only nine months into the business, I moved across the country from Las Vegas, NV to Aiken, SC.

Now some of you might be thinking I worked too hard those first two months, made myself uncomfortable – all for a little extra income. True, in the beginning – it was only a “little extra income”. My FIRST check from Passion Parties was only $30 – my most recent checks have been for thousands of dollars – not including money earned at my parties. Here’s when and how Passion Parties and Direct Sales have made REAL differences in my life:

– This industry introduced me to my best friend, Dawn Strickland. I love you woman – words cannot describe how much I miss you and our “movie” nights – even though we talked through the whole thing!

– Money from PP sent my family to Disneyland for the first time. The moment my kids first walked into Disneyland was priceless.

– When we moved from Vegas, we left almost all of our furniture behind. Having never bought furniture before, I had NO clue how expensive it was. Money from PP refurnished our new home.

– When we moved, I didn’t know anyone in South Carolina or Georgia. A year later, every friend I have is because of Passion Parties. These friends have been so amazing and I’m grateful to have them in my life.

– Money from PP will be sending my family to Disneyworld this summer! I cannot wait to see the looks on the kids’ faces.

– Money from PP paid off our car a year early.

When I became a Passion Parties’ consultant, my family had never been on one real family vacation. Steve and I had been on plenty of getaways and trips before the kids, but afterwards we lost that. Since becoming a consultant, two years ago today – we have been on a total of five family vacations and have two more this summer. Two years later, I am ever grateful to my sponsor Veronica Garcia for insisting I hold an Open for Business Party and dragging me to the Las Vegas Meetings. Those meetings MADE me decide to really give this business a try. I am so grateful that I did.