In today’s 50 Shades of Grey reading, Grey has left for the evening after giving Anna her first spanking. She is feeling overwhelmed, and during a course of emails communicates her feelings to the ever emotionally elusive Mr. Grey:
Anna: I’m not sure I like you anyways.
Christian: Why don’t you like me?
Anna: Because you never stay with me.
And what does Christian do? Well of course, he drives over to Anna’s apartment, and barges in, inciting Rose’s, er, Kate’s rage and earning a spot on her “shit list”.
What follows is Christian’s attempt to look after Anna, spending the night, and even snuggling her in her sleep.
The reason this scene stood out to me was not the BDSM discussion they had in regards to spanking, although that is a good and healthy discussion for the two of them to have. Rather, it’s Anna’s yearning for intimacy. Throughout the previous chapters, she has stated on more than one occasion, she “wants more” with Christian – as he puts it, “flowers and hearts”. This got me to thinking about the women who attend my parties, comments and stories I hear from them, and how this really does tie into the every woman’s emotional needs.
This is another manner in which men and women, generally speaking, vary. For men, intimacy is achieved prior to sex, which is why foreplay and lovemaking can be effected by events within the previous 24 hours. For some men, this means paying attention to them (i.e. not texting, reading emails, or messing around on Facebook while sitting next to them on the couch), watching a movie with them, or whatever. This is simular to women, however women feel intimacy a little more after sex, than an average man does. Now, don’t write your man off as uncaring or selfish, it’s how they are designed – after an orgasm, men’s bodies litterally begin to shut down, their bodies tell them, “That was great, I need to sleep now”. Women are simiularly effected, however we don’t automatically need sleep afterwards (even though orgasms do help you sleep better! 😉 ).
Women crave intimacy before, during, and especially after sex. Now, just as there is always at least one person at my parties who shouts out, “That’s not me!”, there will surely be a reader, or two or a few that will also shake their heads and say, “Pfftt, I don’t need that”. Well good on you, just remember everyone is different. If we were all the same, we’d all be BDSM subs and doms, or having vanilla sex, right?
So how can we achieve intimacy within sexual relationships? Surprisingly, when you read the book, several methods are demonstrated. A few examples:
– Showering or Bathing Together: The acts of sharing a shower, or a relaxing bath, and washing one another is very intimate, and a powerful method of foreplay. While men are visual, and love to watch their partners in either shower or bath settings, the women feel connected through the process of sharing the bath/shower and washing or being washed. This is an easy method of foreplay that is both intimate, and arousing for both parties. Throw in some of our Bath Salts to add some pheromones to the mix to increase the sexual stimulation.
– Shaving: Later in the book, Christian shaves Anna “down there” (i.e. her bikini area). Of course, this is also a huge trust act, I mean really trusting someone else to shave your naughty bits? Whew! But again, it’s arousing to both parties and very intimate for women. Try our Soft and Silky Duo for the closest and smoothest shave possible, without all the red irritated bumps that typically follow.
– Massage: Massages feel amazing, they relax you, heighten your senses, arouse the massager and the one recieving the massage, and again are intimate acts. Try our Amazing Heart Massager (adds heat like a hot stone massage), Super Deluxe Smitten (for the ultimate relaxation), and any of our toning body butters for a to die for sensual experience.
– Face to face sex: Yep, the missionary position. This is a very intimate position since you are facing one another during the act. If you have trouble with stimulation during this particular position, try our Progressor or Jester vibrating c-ring (makes him vibrate, while also turning him into a human vibrator against your clitouris) and our Love Wedge which will elevate your hips and help him hit that hot G-Spot.
– Pillow Talk: Yep, talking before or after sex can be both arousing and intimate. No clue what to talk about? Pick up any of our Passion Library books such as Ride Him Cowgirl, Tickle His Pickle, or even read the 50 Shades books together in bed. It’ll get him and you turned on, give you both new ideas to try, and be a pleasant bonding experience.
Want more ideas on building intimacy, before, during, or after sex? Make sure to head over to my 50 Shades of Pleasure Facebook page and join the discussion.