Distractions and Sex

A few weeks ago the kids and I were at Disney World (yep – again) for Mickey’s Not So Scary Halloween Party. This was my second trip without hubby in the parks with me, and first ever without him at least at the hotel with me (he stayed home this trip). Something that I learned from the first trip was to not let distractions distract me while out and about with my kiddos. Disney can be a very busy place and it would be super easy to get separated and have quite the fright. It always tickles me a bit when I see people so deep into their technology at Disney World they fail to really be in Disney World. I want to shake them a little and say, “Take it all in!”

Why am I writing about this in a post titled, “Distractions and Sex?” I’m getting there. After dropping my kiddos off to school this morning, I was driving to the gas station and heard an interesting story on NPR that I very much related to, and thought immediately that some of you might as well. What caught, and then retained, my attention, was an audio blurb from the interview, “I love reading, and I am someone who can actually become so absorbed in a novel that I really think the house could possibly burn down around me and I wouldn’t notice. And I’m simultaneously someone who loses their keys at least three times a day, and I often can’t remember where in the world I parked my car” (NPR, 2012).

I almost smacked the dashboard and exclaimed, “That’s me!!!” But I didn’t – that would have hurt.

It made me think of women in general today – while not everyone is an avid reader, how many of us are able to focus on one thing – reading, writing, crafting, running, etc. to the exclusion of all other events and activities around us? Yet, when it comes to everyday things, we’re a bit scatter brained. The interview went on to explain a study on how people are distracted and what it does to their brains, distractions included Facebook (social media in general), text messaging, and phone applications. It made me think of how often we are multitasking everyday – from several tabs or windows open in our internet browsers, to texting while watching a movie or show, to listening to an audiobook while driving and maybe doing something else like drinking or eating.

Which made me think of sex. Our brains are so overstimulated and distracted throughout the day, that when we are ready for sex – it can be a real struggle to keep our minds on the here and now of the bedroom (or bathroom, or closet, or where ever you’re being intimate). The big problem with that, is that an orgasm for a woman comes largely from mental (and physical of course) stimulation. If we can’t keep our minds focused on what’s happening to us now and how it’s making us feel, we can often be left unsatisfied. Think back to the last time you had some lovin’ (be it solo or with a partner – either is fine) – how many times did you mind drift to the next thing on your to-do list? As women, to increase the pleasure and frequency of orgasms, we need to focus on the task at hand and exclude all other distractions – turn of all your screens, silence ringers, and make sure you have some time for just you. Now, of course, if you’re on a tight schedule, rub on some Pure Satisfaction and it’ll speed the process right up.
References:

Thompson, H. & Vedantam, S. (2012). A Lively Mind: Your Brain on Jane Austen. Retrieved from http://www.npr.org/blogs/health/2012/10/09/162401053/a-lively-mind-your-brain-on-jane-austen

Better Sex Tonight . . .

<— Ever seen this Window’s phone commercial? It is extremely entertaining, and disturbingly accurate. I was at lunch the last month with a friend of mine and she shared that a recent news’ story had reported that people spend an average of 8 hours a day on Facebook. Did you know they actually have websites on how to “quit” Facebook?! About  a week later, as I was guilty of texting, reading emails, and Facebooking during Survivor, my husband rolled his eyes and did his “huff”. I realized what I was doing and put my phone down … not for long, but I did put it down. This got me to thinking: What’s a sure way to “kill the mood” or at the same time, a sure way to “enhance the mood”?

That was easy – turn off the screens, this means your iPads, cell phones, tablets, laptops, desktops, game systems, and even your TV. Wow! What’s left? Each other. I decided to put this to the test, when my husband got home a few nights ago, I put away my iPad, closed up my laptop, and actually powered down my phone (not just vibrate). I didn’t want to be tempted to check in on anything, and even caught myself a few times reaching for the phone, only to remember it was turned off. The TV was on, we were snuggled up as a family watching a show with the kids. Now granted, the show were watching wasn’t great (it was pretty awful in fact) so the temptation to get “online” was so much more powerful – BUT the kids really enjoyed the time together, and later I could tell my husband was appreciative of the undivided attention.

In January 2011, Dr. Ruth participated in a New Year’s episode of The Doctors in which they shared 40 Ways to Better Sex Tonight. During this episode Dr. Ruth shared that foreplay begins 24 hours BEFORE intercourse for women, the punch line is that is begin “three minutes before intercourse for men”. Sure, I’m guilty of telling this joke at my parties, but with my recent experiments I realized that it’s just not true. Partners who come second to technology, social networks, etc. just aren’t typically in the mood later.

Homework for this week: try turning off your screens for a selected period of time (perhaps it’s an hour, during dinner, or be brave – the whole night!) and see how this impacts your relationship or if you’re single, how it makes you feel.

Then post your findings. Everyone who shares will be entered in a drawing for a free sample from me!